In case I ever get a big head

I have been hard core Paleo for exactly 59 days. No cheats. what. so. ever.  

I made the mistake of actually feeling good about my body for a few minutes. 

Beau and Alex are always around to fix that. 

This morning, while working out in the garage...in short shorts...

Alex: "Mom, are you big and fat?"

Me: " Umm, no." (Pause) "Do I look big and fat?"

Alex: "No"

Me: "Good answer"

Alex: "Well, your butt kinda does"

Beau: "And the tops of your legs"

It's a good thing they are so cute. 

Beau-ism of the week

Yesterday I found a large coloring mark on the carpet in the living room.

I panicked.

We don't own this house and I have heard nightmares about the costs housing likes to stick you with upon leaving.


In a state of denial I tried brushing it away with my hand likes its a magic eraser.  Surprisingly that didnt work.

Then I tried vacuuming it up.  No luck.

I grabbed a wet towel and blotted like every carpet cleaning commercial tell you to.  Blotting doesn't work and its annoyingly slow.

Then I tried wiping with the cloth.  If blotting doesn't work, try wiping, I alway say.

Fast forward to me on my knees franticly scrubbing like its the blood of mine enemy's "Out damn spot!" (ooh, Shakespeare reference, look at me)


It was no use. The spot is there to stay.


Then in my helpless disappointment I realize one of my little angels must have done this.  I was so worked up about getting the mark out that I didn't think about how it got there.  This wasn't some random act of accidental coloring.  This was a deliberate graffiti to my pristine carpets (this is a gross over statement, my carpets are one step above crack house at this point, but its my story so I will tell it how ever I wish).

I turn to see my little hellions are watching with wide eyes.  Alex is looking curious.  Beau...Beau is looking scared. It doesn't take a genius.

"Did you color on the carpet Beau?"

"I'm really sorry Mommy!"

"Why did you do that?"

She sighs, and with complete calmness says, (and I kid you not!)

"Its just because I love you so much I wanted to draw you a picture and I didn't have any paper."


Well played evil genius.  Well played.

Oh and Satan's minion is toothless and it is adorable/hilarious.

Beau-isms

If I had any idea how to read music I would be able to explain this but I can't so I will just have to take my 5 year olds word for it...

After spending just 1 minute at the chalkboard writing two lines of music she clapped her hands. With a ruler in hand as her pointer she announced,

"Alright class, this is easy. Just repeat after me. Run, run, walk, walk, rest, real long note. Got it?"

"Uhh..."

"One more time. Run, run, walk, walk, rest, real long note."

"...sure"


When Sam got home she did the same routine. His reaction was pure astonishment.

"Our kid is a genius."

Beauism of the week

Beau was very excited to tell us all about what she learned in school yesterday because it was about her favorite topic, FOOD. Her class had watched "the magic school bus healthy food show" And she was regaling us with all the healthy foods she needs to eat to keep her body strong. 

"I need to eat apples, and oranges, and grapes, and strawberries, and grapes, and mango swords, and grapes, and watermelon, and broccoli, and-"

seeing this could go on for a while I decided to switch tracks and asked her what she shouldn't eat

"We'll the guy on the movie ate gum and that's bad"

"Yeah, what else shouldn't you eat?"

"...umm...well...poop?"

Beau-ism of the week

Beau had found a stick that was long enough to ride around upon the park like what appeared to be a horse.  Oh us common folk would assume it was a horse, oh no, not Beau.  This girls imagination would never waste time with a real creature.  Here is a little glimpse into the mind of this little girl...

Our neighbor Jon:  "Whatcha riding there Beau? A horse?"

Beau:  "ugh, no.  This is my unicorn Alestia, and see she has a beautiful pink legs with purple shoes, and see her hair is shimmery, like glittery, like the sun, like a silver purple crayon, and she loves when I ride her around for her exercise because she has a lots of energy, because she eats a lots of foods like for energy, so I have a to ride her so she doesn't get too much energy in the house, because energy is for outside the house, and for like I have energy to go to crossfit, because I eat lots of good foods or energy like I ride Alestia.
(notice the lack of periods, this was intentional.  She said the whole things as one long sentence)

Jon:  "Cool"

Beau:  "Yeah, she is pink."

Jon:  "Does she have wings?"

Beau:  "Absolutely not."

Jon:  "Can she blow out fire like a dragon?"

Beau:  "Absolutely not.  She is not a dragon, shes Alestia, and shes a UNICORN.  Not a dragon"

Jon:  "I bet your daddy would like it if she was a flying dragon"

Beau:  "Well...he likes her alright.  But he cant ask me because hes at the daddy store."

Jon:  "What's at the daddy store?"

Beau:  "Cigars"

And without another word she rides off on Alestia.

This girl needs to create something for a living.  She is never happier as when her mind is engrossed in the ingenious world of her imagination.

If left to her devises, she will move mountains some day.  I just know it.

Parent Teacher Conferences

A few weeks ago it was parent teacher conferences for Beaus school.  This was a first for all of us so I was actually a little nervous!  No one wants to hear that their kids are struggling in school and I wasn't sure I would be able to handle that kind of news with any sort of grace. In fact I had already prepared my answer for when she would tell us Beau has ADHD and needs to be sent to a home to for professional help...

"You think you know my kid?! Huh?! Lets take this outside and I can introduce you to my friends Lloyd and Harry!" (for this to make any sense I must explain that I have name my fists Lloyd and Harry...for that to make any sense you must know that those are the main characters names in Dumb and Dumber...if that doesn't make sense you must leave my blog because you are obviously a terrorist)






....What was I talking about?....




Well the nerves were all for nothing because Beau got a rave review!  Im sure the teacher gave everyone a rave review but at least the things she had to say about Beau werent general compliments they were all things we already knew and loved about her.

Beau's rave reviews were...
Might be the happiest kid I have ever seen (well thats good to hear)
Seriously I have never seen her even a little sad (you must be a lot nicer to her than we are)
She is genuinely excited about everything (can you teach her how to go to bed at night without crying?)
She loves everyone and everything in the class (do you babysit?)
She has a great self image and confidence (we already knew that her royal highness has a good self image)
She is very independent (duh)
She knows all the fundamentals to move on to kindergarten next year (woohoo! Mommy gets one kid to go to school full time next year!! *happy dance*)

Beau's not so rave reviews were...
She loves to talk on the quiet carpet so she has to be reminded it is a QUIET carpet (no big surprise there)
She can't tie her own shoes (we only wear flip flops here so that needs to be worked on)
She could only count to 26 when we tested her (Beau responded by counting to 30)

And the final thing her teacher said she needed to work on...
Teacher: "She can't do a forward somersault"
Me: "..... ok.....wait....seriously?!  Beau do an applesauce"
Beau immediately does a perfect somersault,
Teacher: "OK i guess we can mark that off the list"
Me: "Yeah for some reason when she was like 2 she called it an applesauce and we have all called it that ever since"
Beau: "15.16.17."
Me: "Its probably just because it was the longest word she could pronounce so she thought it was the same thing"
Beau: "26. 27. 28."
Me: "Beau you can stop doing applesauce now"




So our little angel is going to move on to kindergarten next year!!!!  What?!?!

And I didn't even have to call in the help of Lloyd and Harry.

Beau-ism of the week

B received some mascara for christmas, its fake but she has no idea.  She was trying to give me some makeup lessons and was instructing how to properly apply mascara.

"Mom, this ascara is for going on your eye hair"



Eye hair?!  After I stopped laughing at her term for eye lashes and gave her a big kiss for being freaking adorable I got a little creeped out by the term "eye hair" (shutter)

But its still cute :)

And so is she!

Beauism of the Week

While rushing through the commissary for todays advent calendar treat I passed a man wearing an eye patch.  Beau saw him and shouted (yes SHOUTED):

"Look Mom, that man's a pirate!  Does he know Captain hook?"

Adults all around were muffling their laughter.  I could not get to the next aisle fast enough . . . only to find a little person there.  

Maybe we'll try the commissary another time.

How could I have ever guessed this little girl would be such a character?!?!

Beauism of the Week

It was an average Thursday.  Alex was napping and Beau was busy playing with her pretend daughter Asalyn on the living room floor.  Beau was teaching her how to drink her fake tea properly when her stomach growled very loudly, jolting her back to reality from her world of butterflies and rainbows.

"Ooops, my tummy farted!  I better go get some food to keep it quiet."



I cant make this up people.

Beauism of the Week

I was quietly distracting myself on the couch with my Pinterest obsession when my two angels started fighting upstairs in their playroom.  It doesn't matter what they were fighting about because they are a 4 year old and a 2 year old, I assure you it was nothing epic.  I listened as it escalated from "dont touch my doll", to "bah hgod fhorrf foejo" . . . well, it was something like that, its hard to tell what they are saying when they start crying.  I knew my quiet Pinteret moment would soon be over.  

Sure enough, Beau comes down stairs ready to tattle on her little sister.

I vaguely listen as she tells me that her sister did something completely unfair and how tough life is with Alex for a little sister.  It's all quite ridiculous and I know that no more time needs to be dedicated to this.  

I interrupt with, "Beau, it makes me really sad when you and your sister fight.  Cant you just be nicer to each other?"

She pauses . . . ponders for a moment . . . then, shrugs her shoulders and says, 

"Well, you're just gonna be real sad"

She then turned and walked back upstairs. 

Little stinker.