I try not to say that too many times because it just sounds wrong. How can my BABY be 2?! She just started walking yesterday...well, not really...but it feels like it. How can those kicks I felt in my belly that I still remember so well have happened over 2 years ago? How can that tiny little angel they pulled from my belly be this beautiful toddler that rules my house? Was it not just a few minutes ago she said Mommy for the first time?
I have to stop myself right there.
If I continue down memory lane like this it wont be pretty. I don't think I have it in me right now to be all sentimental and talk about how adorable she looked all swaddled up when they handed her to me the first time, or how sweet and quiet she was as a baby. I might just cry all night if I let myself go there.
And I certainly would cry if I thought about how she used to love to reach up and touch my face when I would feed her as a baby. Just gently reach her hand up and touch my face, just stare at me and touch my cheek. *sniff
I cant talk about how determined she was to crawl and follow her big sister and how I can STILL remember exactly what her expression was when she took her first steps.
I cant even think about how she still wakes up and the first word out of her mouth is Mommy.
How at bed time she needs at least 2 kisses and a big hug. A hug that is both hilarious and sweet. Hilarious that her arms barely cross to the sides of my arms and though she exerts no force in her squeeze she always groans as though she is squeezing with all her might. Sweet in that she lightly pats my arms every time, as though telling ME "its ok, I'll see you in the morning". *sniff, sniff
No I cant think about that.
If I did it would remind me how it melts my heart when she and her sister fight. Because they always make up with a hug and a kiss, even if they are both crying, they stop, hug, kiss and say "I love you".
And that would remind me how wholly she loves her family, especially her daddy. How she runs her tiny little body as fast as it will go when he comes home every night. How entertaining it is that even though she is ecstatic to see daddy, she still takes a hard turn before she gets to his open arms and runs in the opposite direction hoping he will chase her.
That would just remind me of her distinct little run. How it resembles a toddler version of skipping and the carefree stride of pure joy only a child can portray.
And how her precious blond curls bounce when she moves. Curls that were only before seen on cherubs.
I just cant go there now. *sniff
If I did it would be awful. I would just sit here crying by myself.
Crying.
I would need to excuse myself and grab a box of kleenex before I sneak into my sleeping daughters room and steal another kiss for the night.
Excuse me, I'll be right back....
I was going to post pictures of her birthday party but it seems this post took a eerie turn into mommy meltdown/early midlife crisis/postpardom depression(???) zone. I'll pull myself together and post those another time. I better not post any pictures or it will surely finish me off.
Waaaaaaaaaaaaa.
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