Tuesday, August 10, 2010

My Penance

For your amusement:

me: "Dear father, It has been over a month since my last blog. I have neglected my family and the many many adoring fans, I have promised people there would be updates then decided to catch up on a "Real Housewives of New Jersey" marathon instead, kept funny stories to myself instead of sharing them with the world when I knew the masses needed to hear them...I'm sure there is more but I am too lazy to even list them. I am truly sorry for this and will happily do my penance."

Imaginary priest: "This blog you speak of, do you REALLY think people tune in?"

me: "well...I mean...you know...if you count...no. I guess you can add lying to a priest on there too."

I.P.: "Your penance is to do 3 posts by tomorrow."

me: "Can I count this as one?"

IP: "No."

me: "OK, sure, of course, whatever you say...I just mean because this is a pretty lame post. And I'm not sure how much longer I can drag this one out so it will be short. And a short and lame post won't bring the people back."

IP: "Are these your imaginary fans you speak of?"

me: "...yes"

IP: "Fine. Update your "adoring fans" with what has been going on with your life this past month in this post, plus 2 new posts by tomorrow. Now go in peace...and please, TRY to be amusing!"

Some random thoughts...

1. I just found my 3 year old "reading" a sushi menu to her fish. She is far too young to understand the absolute hilarity in that situation.

2. My baby brother got married this past Sunday! I wasn't there...I hate myself a little bit.

3. Maybe stuffing a brownie in my mouth will help me deal with the pain of missing my baby brothers wedding.

4. Nope...maybe 2?

5. Nope...maybe 3? This could get ugly folks, lets move on.

6. We had a garage sale this past weekend and I realized that the saying "people will buy anything" is not true. People will buy anything, except stuff that has actual value and is still in good shape. Instead of buying a top of the line infant car seat and 2 bases for $50 (selling on eBay for $120) they choose to buy a broken cordless phone that has no battery power for $1. Or a torn book for $.50 that came free in a cereal box.

7. We did sell enough of our crappy stuff to buy a new TV for our bedroom.

8. In the on-line world, people use the letters DH instead of typing out Dear Husband. I swore I would never used this stupid acronym because hubby sounds cuter and it isn't that bad to just type out hubby. Hubby, hubby, hubby, hubby. See, not so bad. Stop being so lazy people!

9. DH now wants to have an other garage sale to see what else we can buy with the profits. I think he is tempted to sell all our clothes and see if we can afford a boat.

10. My adorable 16 month old angel is acting less angelic everyday. I think she wants me to never want another child ever again. She wants to stay my baby. She has no desire for a baby sister or brother. Anytime I get even a little sad that she is growing up she throws a fit over a sippy cup and it reminds me to call my doctor and see if he has any room to perform a full hysterectomy this afternoon.


12. I need to buy new plants for my front yard since there is no amount of water on earth that would have been able to save my little beauties from the scorching sun.


14. I went wedding dress shopping with my baby sis when I was in Cali. I was so thrilled to be there for that. She looked amazing and will look even more amazing on her wedding day.

15. Just remembered that I missed my baby brothers wedding. Where are the rest of those damn brownies!?

16. We are waiting for final words on where our next assignment will be. Hopefully we will find out SOON. I love getting new assignments.

17. I hate moving.

18. I need to get my house in order so that hopefully someone will want to buy it!!! I really hope someone will buy it! God I hope someone will buy it. We don't have enough money to pay the mortgage here and live somewhere else.

19. I will now have nightmares tonight about what to do if someone doesn't want to buy my house.

20. My 3 year old needs new clothes. Hopefully she can wait until someone buys the house. Otherwise I may have to turn into a Von Trap and turn the curtains into new outfits for her... but I don't know how to sew... hopefully they have a very lenient dress code at her school.

21. Look at this beautiful picture and eat a brownie if you have one, that's what I will be doing.

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